The Interrogation by Agent McHenry
by acherontamovebo
Summary: In an incredible feat of human effort, Macey McHenry captures the three Subjects from Blackthorne Institute. With a lot of rope, duct tape, and sweat, the Subjects are restrained in a cellar somewhere in the south of France. The interrogation is as follows.
1. Chapter 1

Part I: Grant

Subject Z: -_waking up, struggles with tape- _What– what the hell? Where are we?

Subject G: -_with a yawn-_ Oh look, it's Macey.

The Operative: Yeah, I'm going to go change. You guys are a lot heavier than you look. Maybe it's time think about some salad. _-leaves room-_

-_awkward silence-_

Subject G: What the hell are we doing here? -_struggles with tape and rope…grumbles-_ I can't believe McHenry stuck us here.

Subject J: -_nods_- It's almost mathematically impossible.

-_door slams open and closed. Operative reenters, smiles.-_

Operative: Hello again boys.

Subject Z: Macey get us out of here. Why are we here?

Operative: Quiet. I have a headache because of the smell.

Subject Z: Hey I take offense to that.

Subject G: It's kind of true, man. Sorry.

Subject J: I think it's Macey's fault.

-_Subjects glare at Macey-_

Operative: Excuse me, but who are the ones all tied up? Now, where's my paper?

Subject G: Paper?

Operative: I said be quiet. Yes, paper, I have some questions to ask you.

Subject Z: We can't answer the questions if you tell us to be quiet.

Operative: Shut up. Stop being a smartass.

-_silence and rustling as Operative looks for her paper-_

Subject Z: Why are you doing this to us? Did Cammie, Liz, and Bex make you? Couldn't you just email us? If you untie us and take us home, I'll give you our emails. Mine's toogoode at–

Operative: Found it! -_waves paper around-_

Subject Z: – aol dot com, and I check it almost every day. Don't be afraid to email me, I know many girls get intimidated –

-_Operative slaps a piece of duct tape of Subject Z's mouth-_

Subject Z: Mmph!

Operative: Okay, we'll start with Grant.

Subject G: -_scared look in eyes-_ No, no. No need to do that. Jonas here volunteered. You just didn't see.

Operative: How close do you consider yourself to Bex?

Subject G: Uh, what?

-_Operative repeats question_-

Subject G: Uhhh…what?

Subject Z: MMMMMPHH!

Operative: Zach, shush. I don't have time for you right now.

Subject J: -_face is a deadpan-_ He's trying to say 'Grant _wishes_ he were closer to Bex'

-_Subject Z sits back with a satisfied look on his face_-

Operative: Do you let her win intentionally when you fight her in P&E?

Subject G: …Yes…?

Operative: You're lying. On December 6th, you two fought in the tournament and she, quote, beat you fair and square, endquote. And you, quote, tried to protect your manhood by challenging her in Call of Duty, in which she, again, beat you, endquote.

Subject G: Why'd you even ask me this question if you already knew the answer?

Operative: I enjoy watching you squirm. Next question!

Subject J: -_tries to pat Subject G's back sympathetically, but fails due to his hands being taped together behind his back-_ It's okay, man. We don't judge you. Much.

Operative: The very first time you saw Bex, how hot did you think she was, on a scale from 1 to 10?

Subject G: _-suspiciously-_ You're going to be showing her this.

Operative: -_crosses fingers behind back-_ No, I'm not going to.

Subject J: We're not five, Macey. Crossing your fingers is stupid.

Operative: Just answer the question, Grant.

Subject G: Uh…can I go? I'll just text you the answer later.

Operative: -_looks around_- I know I have a razor around here somewhere. How do you feel about smooth, baby legs, Grant?

Subject G: Nonono, wait! Um…9?

Operative: -_jotting notes down-_ Answered…in…question. Unsure. Okay got it. What about the last point? Why did you give her a 9 and not a 10? What don't you like about her?

Subject G: Okay fine, 10! Perfect score, happy?

Operative: I don't want you to _change _your score.

Subject G: I'm not changing it.

Operative: You just did.

Subject G: No I didn't. I always said 10.

Operative: No, you didn't.

Subject G: Yes, I did.

Operative: No.

Subject G: Yes.

Operative: Hmm… -_jots more notes-_

Subject G: What're you writing?

Operative: 'Questionable why Agent Baxter likes Subject G, as he is obviously a moron and a liar.'

Subject G: Hey! -_pause-_ Wait Bex likes me?

Operative: Moving on…

Subject G: Hey- no- wait- tell me! You just said she likes me, right?

Operative: How much of your attraction to her is because she's British and has that accent?

Subject J: He never said he likes her.

Subject G: Yeah, Macey. Take that! I only said she was hot. Bex likes me?

Operative: -_digs around-_ Found the razor!

Subject G: Wait. Her accent adds to her hotness but it's not why I -_suddenly stops talking-_

Operative: Why you what? Why you like her? -_jots on pad-_ 'Admits…to…liking…Agent…Baxter'

Subject G: Okay, I never officially said that. But, Bex likes me?

Operative: I'm done with you. Who's next?


	2. Chapter 2

Part II: Jonas

_Subject G: Wait. Her accent adds to her hotness but it's not why I –_

_Operative: Why you what? Why you like her? -_jots on pad_- 'Admits…to…liking…Agent…Baxter'_

_Subject G: Okay, I never officially said that. But, Bex likes me?_

_Operative: I'm done with you. Who's next?_

* * *

-_Subject J squirms-_

Operative: Oh perfect. Thank you for volunteering.

Subject J: I didn't.

Operative: Whatever. Okay. Liz. How do you feel about her hacking skills?

Subject G: Where are we?

Operative: A wine cellar in the south of France. Answer the question, Jonas. Do you think they're better than yours? If so, how do you feel about that?

Subject G: A wine cellar? Cool. And how did you get us to France?

Operative: Shut up Grant. And if you don't, I will be forced to dump some of this French wine down your throat.

Subject G: I wouldn't mind that too much, actually. I've always wanted to know what wine tasted like.

Operative: And then drag you back to Blackthorne where I will demand for a breathalyzer test to be administered and then you will be in trouble for underage drinking.

Subject G: You can't do that…

Operative: -_raises eyebrow-_ I got you here, didn't I?

-_Subject G is silent-_

Operative: Jonas, answer the question.

Subject J: I…uh…I think she's…uh…great?

Operative: Uncertainty. Wishy-washiness. Specifically, Jonas, do you think she's better than you?

Subject J: Uh…I think we're good at…uh…different things…?

Operative: Diplomatic. -_jots note-_ Good. Although still uncertain. Bad.

Subject Z: I'm hungry.

Operative: Zach! How did you get loose?

Subject Z: -_smirks_- I licked the tape. Tape isn't sticky anymore after you lick it.

Operative: Ew. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.

Subject Z: But effective.

Operative: Whatever. Don't talk.

Subject Z: Whatever.

Operative: Okay, next question Jonas. Wha –

Subject Z: Did you not hear me? I said I'm hungry.

Subject G: Yeah, I am too.

Operative: It doesn't matter. Even if I got food for you, you wouldn't be able to eat it yourselves. I'd have to feed it to you.

Subject G: Then feed it to us.

Operative: Gross, no. I'll leave that to Cammie, Bex, and Liz to do. Okay Jonas. What exact things in hacking do you think you're better at than Liz?

Subject J: That's a losing question. No matter how I answer, I lose. Especially if you're showing this to them.

Operative: I said I wasn't.

Subject Z: Nobody believes you.

Operative: -_shrugs_- Just answer the question, Jonas.

Subject J: I refuse.

Operative: I'll get you food.

Subjects Z and G: JONAS. ANSWER HER QUESTION.

Subject J: Uh…well I guess I'm better at finding cybermules for undetectable messages, break-ins into high-grade cars using vulnerabilities such as HITAG2, hacking meters for free energy or for corporate espionage, and, when absolutely necessary, setting up things like under-the-radar wireless networks by running on GSM/Wi-fi networks that connect only HTC smartphones. But she's also really good at that stuff…but…uh…yeah…

Subject G: Nobody understands what you're talking about man. But go get us some food, Macey! He answered your question. Make me a sammich.

Operative: Don't be sexist. It's highly unattractive. I'll be back.

-_Operative exits room to find food. Silence-_

Subject J: Quick! Try to escape. -_writhes around-_

Subject Z: That's not going to do anything, Jonas. Macey is the queen of knots.

Subject G: I think she's the queen of bees. Or maybe ants. Whichever is bossier.

-_Operative reenters balancing three plates of baguettes and prosciutto. Sets plates on ground in front of each Subject-_

Subject G: Are you planning to give us those?

Operative: You just told me to bring food. And I already told you I was opposed to feeding you. So I fulfilled my duty.

Subject Z: Are you sure you're not certifiably crazy?

Operative: Not at all. Okay Jonas. Next question.

Subject G: Macey, you're killing me! It smells so good!

Operative: This is your own fault. You told me to bring the food in. Jonas, how many minutes do you spend a day thinking about Liz, on average?

Subject J: I don't know.

Operative: You're on the R&D track. I would think you'd keep track of your time better. You know how much time, you're just embarrassed to say.

Subject J: Am not!

Operative: Okay, how much time?

Subject J: -_silence_-

Operative: -_jots in notepad-_ Spends…lots…of…time…thinking…about…Agent…Sutton. Information…ascertained…from…his…embarrassed…silence.

Subject J: You are making enemies here, Macey.

Operative: Nah. You guys still love me.

Subject G: We love you _less_ now. And if you keep us from that food anymore, that love just may disappear.

Operative: Aw thanks. I'll make sure to send you a Christmas card, too. Just make sure to watch your mail closely. You may miss it. And then you'll think I didn't send you anything but I obviously did, so it'll be a big, huge, messy misunderstanding. So watch your mail _very closely_.

Subject Z: Are you going to let us go now?

Operative: No. But I feel bad about pressuring Jonas. He's almost as shy as Liz.

Subject G: Excuse me?! And you didn't feel sorry for me at all?

Operative: Not particularly. I think we have enough from you Jonas. Next victim.

Subject J: So you admit we're your victims? In a court of law, you would be toast now.

Operative: Can it, Einstein. My headache still hasn't gotten any better.

Subject Z: That explains why you've set out to kill all the joy in the world.

Operative: Okay then, next on the agenda. Zach, you're up.

Subject Z: Yippee.


	3. Chapter 3

Part III: Zach

_Operative: Okay then, next on the agenda. Zach, you're up._

_Subject Z: Yippee._

* * *

Operative: So Zach. First question. How's your head been doing?

Subject Z: I'm sorry, what?

Operative: I might've accidently banged it a couple times on doorways and…buses and…some fish hanging in a market stall on the way here…

Subject Z: See guys? The stink is so not my fault. And really Macey? Well, at least that explains why my head is throbbing like I have a cold or something.

Operative: Oh yeah. You may have that too. A couple sick people sneezed on you on the subway.

Subject G: Really? You were on the subway with three unconscious boys and nobody asked you anything?

Operative: Don't be stupid. I think the police are currently searching frantically for three dead bodies and a crazy teenage girl. But don't you think this is worth it?

-_no answer-_

Operative: Okay! Glad you agree. Zach, let's start from the beginning.

Subject Z: Awesome.

Operative: As soon as I find my question sheet.

Subject J: It's right in front of you.

Operative: I have a whole 'nother one for him.

Subject G: Good luck, man. See you on the other side.

-_Subject G leans back in the chair and closes his eyes. Subject J stares off into space-_

Subject Z: Wow. Thanks for the moral support guys.

Subject G: Payback.

Subject Z: That's unfair. My mouth was _duct taped closed_ when you were going. It's hard to give support in that kind of situation.

Subject G: You should've thought of this before licking that tape so slowly.

Subject Z: Thanks.

Subject G: Anytime.

Subject Z: I don't think you understand how sarcasm works.

Subject G: I don't think you understand how payback works.

Subject Z: I don't think you understand how _life_ works.

Operative: Okay guys, quiet. I don't want to hear about licking that tape ever again.

Subject Z: -_singing-_ I lick Macey's tape, and I cannot lie…it's an urge I can't deny. (A/N "Big Butts" song)

Operative: Gross. You're disgusting. Cammie's crazy.

Subject Z: And why would that be? -_smirk_-

Operative: Question number one. The very first time you saw Cammie at the National Mall, what were you thinking?

Subject Z: That the wind had not been kind to her hair.

-_Operative punches Subject Z on arm-_

Subject Z: Ouch! What was that for?

Operative: If Cammie were here, she would've punched you. But she isn't, so I felt it was my duty to do it for her.

Subject Z: I was right. You're crazy. Mental. Loony-bin cuckoo.

Operative: Question number two. The second time you saw Cammie at Gallagher Academy in the Grand Hall, what were you thinking?

Subject Z: I see a pattern here. If you ask me what I was thinking the third time I saw Cammie, I don't think I'm going to answer.

Operative: Answer question number two.

Subject Z: That she had probably eaten enough for the night.

-_Operative raises arm, ready to deliver another punch-_

Subject Z: Okay, okay, I wasn't thinking that. I couldn't even see you guys that well so I just wondered if she was the same girl as the one from the Mall. NOT that she'd eaten enough. I swear. If anything, she needs to eat more. She's like a stick. But in a good way. A nice, smart stick.

Operative: Fine. I'll let that slide, but I'm writing down that part about the stick.

Subject Z: Wait, no!

Operative: Too late. Question number three.

Subject Z: It better not be –

Operative: At what exact moment –

Subject Z: Oh good, it's not.

Operative: Just listen to the question, Zach! At what exact moment did you decide to start stalking Cammie, and why?

Subject Z: I do not _stalk_ Cammie.

Operative: You follow her everywhere and show up in places when you shouldn't be there. You know more of her passageways than even Bex. You have her CIA file bookmarked on your laptop. You probably even know what every single pair of her pajamas looks like. How is that not stalking?

Subject Z: It's…not. Can we not talk about this?

Operative: Is Cammie a game to you?

Subject Z: I'm sorry, what? Does anybody else feel like this conversation jumps around erratically?

-_Subjects G and J raise their hands_-

Operative: Please answer the question.

Subject Z: Ooh, strange turn of events, ladies and gentlemen! It turns out the McHenry robot has manners! She said please.

Operative: Stop playing around. Are you always like this with Cammie, too? I swear, what does she see in you?

Subject Z: I'm not playing around with her, if that's what you're asking. She sees stuff in me?

Operative: So in your mind, she's synonymous to a movie?

Subject Z: When did we get on the topic of movies? Again, the conversation has made a turn into crazy-ville.

Operative: Stop stalling. Just say if she's like a movie to you.

Subject Z: I honestly have no idea why she would ever be like a movie.

Operative: -_sighs- _You like to watch her. Like a movie. So what kind of movie do you think she would be? Horror? Supernatural? Romantic comedy? Action?

Subject Z: Bestseller. Oh god, that sounded corny even to my own ears. Grant, Jonas, help me. I think I'm losing my touch.

Subject J: And you think _I_ can help you? I thought you knew better by now. You're the one that tells me I "crash and burn like a doomed airplane."

Subject G: It's okay, man. We all grow old and helpless at different times.

Subject Z: Neither of you are helping.

Operative: You guys are idiots. Zach, 'Bestseller' is not a type of movie.

Subject Z: Then why do they have sections in movie rental stores labeled "Bestseller?"

Operative: Because they want to put all the most popular movies where it's easy to access. That section is a mashup of all different genres of movies. It's just whatever sells well.

Subject Z: No, you're just in denial. 'Bestseller' is totally a type. Right guys?

Subjects G and J: _[unintelligible mumbles]_

Subject Z: Really? Again? No support, huh? Bestseller movies also have a section on iTunes. It's called 'Featured.'

Operative: 'Featured' does not mean the same things as 'bestseller.'

Subject Z: In the movie world it does.

Operative: In _no_ world, it does.

Subject Z: Yeah-huh.

Operative: Okay I know what I'm getting you for Christmas.

Subject Z: What?

Operative: A dictionary

Subject Z: That is the most boring gift I've ever heard.

Operative: _Okay._ Wow. Way off track. Question number four.

Subject Z: Dang. I was hoping we could argue this movie thing longer. This whole Cammie interrogation is so boring compared to the movie thing, right? I think –

Operative: Zip it. The sooner you answer all these questions, the sooner you are free to go. But it is sweet you think Cammie is a Bestseller. Okay. Question number four. About how often do you think about Cammie?

Subject G: He talks about her every five minutes, if that helps.

Subject Z: Shut up Grant! -_looks embarrassed. Shocker, right?-_ We had a bro code.

Operative: A bro code? Really? You guys are lame. Okay, question number five.

Subject Z: This is so unfair. How come they only had two or three questions?

Operative: Because they've been good little boys this year. You, on the other hand, are fated to get coal in your stocking from Santa.

Subject Z: Uncool, Mace. Uncool.

Operative: Question number five. Do you want to see Cammie?

Subject Z: Uh what?

Operative: Do you want to see Cammie?

Subject Z: Uh now? Like this? No, it would be bad for my dignity.

Operative: -_shrugs-_ Your dignity needs work anyway.

-_The Operative slaps a Napotine patch on Subject Z, much to his friends' dismay, unties his hands and feet from the chair, and grunts while dragging him out of the room, mouthing 'salad' at Subjects G and J-_

Subject G: We are men. We eat meat.

-_Operative rolls her eyes and leaves the room with Subject Z-_

Subject J: Yay for Zach. What about us?

Subject G: We eat meat.

Subject J: She brought us bread and prosciutto but the plates are on the floor. About one and a half meters from our mouths.

Subject G: Eh, what the heck.

-_Subject G rocks in his chair until it tips over so he's lying on his side attached to the chair. He slowly inches towards the plate and then grabs the food with his mouth, chewing openly-_

Subject G: It's good, man. Are you going to eat yours? Cuz if not, I'm taking both yours and Zach's.

Subject J: You look ridiculous.

Subject G: My stomach doesn't feel ridiculous.

Subject J: Funny, your stomach never seems to have any sense of embarrassment.

Subject G: Yum. Prosciutto.

Subject J: Glad to hear it.


	4. Chapter 4

Part IV: Zammie :)

_-The Operative decided to see her discoveries from the interrogation come to action, and resolved locking Cammie Morgan, henceforth called the Chameleon, with Subject Z was the way to do it.-_

* * *

_-The Chameleon sits in a room by herself, wondering why the Operative had dragged her there. Suddenly the door opens, a body is shoved in, and then the door slams shut again-_

Chameleon: Zach!

-_no answer-_

Chameleon: Uh, Zach, are you awake?

_-no answer-_

Chameleon: Okay, I'm just going to go…sit…over there.

-_painfully long silence, and then a groan-_

Chameleon: Oh good, so you're not dead.

Subject Z: Gee you sound so happy to see me, Gallagher Girl. You're smothering me. You're like my mom.

-_silence-_

Subject Z: Okay, no I didn't mean it like that. I meant you're like _a_ mom, not _my_ mom…

Chameleon: Okay.

Subject Z: Sorry.

Chameleon: It's okay.

-_awkward silence full of what the Operative is sure is frustrated sexual tension-_

Subject Z: So…have you been listening to your crazy friend torture us?

Chameleon: No. You mean Macey? What are you talking about?

Subject Z: NOTHING. I mean, if you see Macey soon, just tell her you DON'T want to see the footage.

Chameleon: Okay, why would I do that? Obviously it's something I would like to see.

Subject Z: Uh…hmm…um…oh! I have a fun fact. Did you know that trampolines are the most dangerous toys sold to children?

Chameleon: That's not fun or a fact.

Subject Z: Fine. Then did you know girl's dolls come alive in the night and plot revenge against their owners?

Chameleon: That's not a fun fact! It's a terrifying alternate reality!

Subject Z: -_frowns-_ Weird. I saw it in a documentary.

Chameleon: Toy Story is not a documentary, and that's not even how the story goes. Those toys weren't waking up to plot revenge, they're just…alive.

Subject Z: Okay fine. I give up. We should play another game instead. Truth or Dare.

Chameleon: I don't think that's a good idea.

Subject Z: Sure it is. I'll go first. Truth or Dare?

Chameleon: Dare.

Subject Z: I dare you to… -_peels tape off shirt-_ lick this tape.

Chameleon: Gross. No.

Subject Z: Oh I see how it is. You'll gladly knock me out for an hour in P&E but you won't lick a piece of tape that came off my shirt?

Chameleon: Knocking you out poses no personal threat to me whereas licking that tape would be unhygienic. No one knows where it's been.

Subject Z. Macey said something along those lines, too. _Women._ Shirt off.

Chameleon: We're not playing strip Truth or Dare. I never agreed to this.

Subject Z: I'm going to wrestle it off. We are playing this game. Shirt off.

Chameleon: You're a dog.

-_Chameleon pulls shirt off only to have…a camisole underneath! Subject Zach glares while Chameleon smirks-_

Chameleon: Truth or Dare?

Subject Z: Dare. I've had enough invasive questions for the day.

Chameleon: I'm totally asking Macey to see that.

Subject Z: No don't! -_looks really worried-_

Chameleon: Are you kidding? Bex, Liz, Macey, and I will be sitting down for a nice short movie night as soon as we get back home. It's gonna be great.

Subject Z: Bad idea, bad idea. I should never have brought that up.

Chameleon: Do you want to hear your dare or not?

Subject Z: Fine.

Chameleon: I dare you not to play strip Truth or Dare.

Subject Z: You're such a spoilsport. I'm passing on this dare. I guess I have to take off my shirt.

Chameleon: You just wanted an excuse to take your shirt off in front of me.

Subject Z: Guilty. -_pulls shirt off-_ Okay. Truth or Dare?

Chameleon: Dare.

Subject Z: I dare you to kiss me. Right now. On the camera. Or whatever.

Chameleon: Again, I repeat my belief that starting this game was due to a lapse in judgment, and that we should stop now before somebody gets hu –

Subject Z: _[kissing noises!]_

Chameleon: _[see above!]_

-_door bursts open with a bang-_

Operative: -_laughing hysterically-_ Shedding clothes already, you two? Too funny…

Chameleon: -_blushing furiously-_ I'm going back to the hotel.

-_Chameleon exits. Operative still laughing hysterically-_

Operative: Mission accomplished. You're free, but you'll have to wait Grant and Jonas a little bit longer.

Subject Z: What was your mission, exactly?

Operative: Well, first and foremost to humiliate you guys. But also, Cammie was driving herself crazy wondering what you were doing and blah blah blah. So I decided that if I could get you guys together, it would save me, Bex, and Liz from getting our ears blabbed off. Get out of the room, I'm bringing Bex and Grant in next. Get out!

Subject Z: There you go again.

Operative: What do you mean?

Subject Z: Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are insane and need the attention of highly specialized doctors.

-_The Operative slugs Subject Z-_

Subject Z: Ow.

Operative: Go find Cammie.

Subject Z: Gladly.

* * *

**Hi guys! So I think this is where it ends for this story. Oh wait, silly me! I still have about two lines left!**

* * *

Christmas Day:

Subject Z: A dictionary. Really Mace?

-_The Operative smiles smugly-_

Operative: Wait till you see what's in your stocking!

* * *

**Okay. Done now. Haha, I just had to do that. That was a poor reference to Part III of this little story. I really hope you all liked the story, and I just wanted to say I've been completely blown away by all the support you've shown. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I'm thinking about doing more of this kind of thing in the future. Thank you guys!**


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